allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
