Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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