Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
