Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
