First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
