she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
