hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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