So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
