her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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