$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
