I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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