you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
