This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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