i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
