What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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