just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
