hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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