how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
