we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
