yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
