I'm really into asian looking animals
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Randomize
