At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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