dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Life is so much better after having sex.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
