I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
