You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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