its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
