Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
