I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
