Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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