Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
