I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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