so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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