the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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