I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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