your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
