You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
