At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
this hospital has no fireball
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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