I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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