I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
