I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
