He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
