we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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