one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
