he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
