You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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