Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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