until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
