I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
