I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
