Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
