If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
NoShamevember. You game?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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